‘Everyone knows that exercise is good for your body - but did you know that it's important for your mental health, too?’ runs the headline on the Young Minds page on Exercise and Mental Wellbeing. In training for the Land’s End to John O’Groats cycle we might be pushing ourselves slightly beyond the 30 minutes of moderate exercise recommended by the page but I’m definitely feeling the mental health benefits. I’m happier, more productive and have more energy having spent the time cycling or running.
Unfortunately my relationship to exercise hasn’t always been this typical and straightforward. Throughout the last year of school and all three years of University I struggled with the eating disorder bulimia, at different levels of severity. The toll on my mental and physical health became a main contributing factor to a breakdown the day before the first of my final exams. I suspended from university for a year.
As well as binge eating and purging through vomiting, my bulimia ALSO manifested itself, as it does in 90% of sufferers, in a compulsion to exercise. Originally exercising as a way to combat the bulimic urges, recommended by my GP, exercise quickly became both an addiction and a compulsion. Despite being on a challenging degree course that demanded a lot of academic work with a large time commitment, trips to the gym would take priority. If an unavoidable commitment meant I had to miss one of my designated five gym sessions a week I would get stressed and angry and respond by restricting food and purging.
I’m happy to be able to say that taking a year out of university was the best thing that ever happened to me, as I was able to seek treatment for the eating disordered behaviours. In the very first session with my therapist, though we discussed the amount and frequency of exercise I did, she focussed on the feelings around exercise that I experienced. Did I feel stressed when I missed exercise? Did I prioritize exercise above other things? Did I desperately find ways to exercise, exercising at illogical times? As I admitted the answer to all these questions was a definite yes (turns out squeezing a gym session into the one hour lunch break from a physically demanding waitressing job, instead of eating, doesn’t make a lot of sense). Having determined that a facet of my bulimia was definitely a compulsion to exercise, she incorporated this into treatment. Having made progress on eating and purging issues, I was asked to decrease the amount of times I exercised a week to less than half my normal amount. Whilst the thought made me stressed and anxious, and with a million (valid) messages on the importance and benefit of exercise, I managed to complete the requirements of the therapy and was officially discharged in May last year. I returned to university, I completed my final exams and took up a job on the Civil Service Fast Stream. Besides the big stuff, I can enjoy food again without obsessing over every calorie, exercise self-control over what I’m eating and enjoy exercise as a way to relax and improve my health, rather than viewing it as a punishment.
Whilst I was able to get recognition of my issue and access the help I needed, it wasn’t easy. A huge part of eating disorders in secrecy and deception and I was able to hide the signs from parents, friends and housemates, even ones I had confided in previously. The only times I felt able to seek help were when things were improving, leading me to downplay the seriousness of the issue and not receive the treatment I needed. I was uninformed about the help available and ways to break the cycle. That’s why I’m incredibly excited to be able to support Young Minds in the FUND challenge, an organization that does valuable work in educating, campaigning and supporting young people’s mental health. If you’d like to sponsor us and help raise money for this important cause, please visit our donation page linked on the right.
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